Time travel, badmouth Stalin, and go to the gulag. You'll be better off. - Anonymous employee CP Solutions Employee Review

Hoo boy, these positive reviews make me laugh. All so vague, so optimistic for a better future. Along with others in this thread, I can attest to the fact that CP Solutions wheedles employees into leaving positive reviews because it determines “the quality” of future coworkers (you can guess the real reason why). When one recently departed employee wrote a negative review, it was treated like a five-alarm emergency. You’d have thought someone died. We were called to a meeting and goaded into leaving reviews because it was up to us to create the illusion of a happy workplace, and not for management to actually foster one. This may be the best encapsulation of an environment so toxic that the clocks tick to the sound of a panicking Geiger counter and your dreams are nightly tinted orange by the prospect of a nuclear cataclysm. Let’s get this out of the way, Recent College Grad. This company stalks people like you to exploit you. You’ll be paid less, expected to work longer, and all the while they’ll wish you were more experienced and mature, until soon enough their message of continuous improvement will become a bullying cry that you’re never good enough. This place is a resume builder, nothing more. It’s too inept, and too unbearable, to be more than that. Apply at your own risk, because its reputation in West Michigan is growing worse with every burned former employee, and soon enough having this name at the top of your resume will be as useful as saltwater to a shipwreck survivor. And now let’s go through the names of the games at CP Solutions (for they are legion). Micromanagement is the big momma. We’re talking time tracking down to the minute. Meetings to discuss meetings. Protocols for writing protocols. Training programs on how to train trainers to train trainees. This is a digital marketing agency that offers zero creative autonomy over client accounts. Every account is treated with the same approach whether it makes sense or not, and it’s a monthly chore to explain away useless vanity metrics and upsell even more worthless services. Doctors’ appointments require two weeks’ notice, and if too many people are off, you will be forced to reschedule that appointment. Forced to spend all day in useless meetings? You’ll be scolded for not being 80% billable the next morning. Print in color accidentally? You’ll be scolded for costing the company three cents. But hey, digital agencies can be too crazy sometimes, right? Maybe a little micromanagement is good, keeps things organized. WRONG, reader. Disorganization is rampant. Management concerns itself with internal politics and protocols rather than bothering with important things, like say, getting contracts signed before starting work. Account managers are regularly thrown new accounts that aren’t legally binding, accurately budgeted, or properly strategized. Don’t say you can’t execute one of these plans, though. You’ll be branded a renegade. I was regularly appalled to hear the owner rail against fellow employees behind their backs. She wished to fire more people than she could spare. Due to this deep contempt for her workers, distrust is an enormous problem, and management can’t muster the confidence to delegate responsibility despite its desperate need to do so. I once bluntly suggested that account managers be responsible for handling dissatisfied clients. The response? “They’ll lose the client.” Glad to be onboard, captain! We’ll just get of your way and let you unfurl the sails and cook the meals. We won’t do it right. Yet another good encapsulation of this workplace’s culture: to be asked to do something, only to be told you’re not trusted to do it. These are just a handful of the offenses that form the congealed mass of toxicity at the heart of CP Solutions. They say a full compendium of its crimes against employeekind exists somewhere in this world, but as far as I know, it’s lost in the hearts and minds of scarred ex-employees across the country. And it’s better that way, not to know the full truth. It’s a weight you will carry with you all day, and it follows you home like an impending shadow of doom. There is no finer feeling than knowing I no longer work at this wretched place, haunted by the condescension of nepotistic rulers who don’t know their industry and want to squeeze the last of my spirits into their morning vitamin mix, where the backstabbing and false camaraderie give Stalinist Russia a run for its money. I know you want an agency job fresh out of college, Recent College Grad, but I implore you to listen to reason. There is no honor in employment here. Only pain.